Still Waiting

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

today wasn't a very good day for me.

in fact, these few days.. was equally bad. esp sunday and monday. =(

dar talk to me abt the behaviour of my friends.

maybe he was right. maybe after getting a bf, my friends will soon stray away from me. or else it'll be me who stray away from my friends. so far i've tried really hard to keep my bf n gfs together. it wasnt a big feat for me, cos my bf is friendly enuff. but are friends and gfs like poles? i suppose they do... cos they seem to be repelling all the time.

im so disappointed. dar told me all the things.. and i went to notice them. i noe i shouldnt, but. it was placed right in front of my eyes. cldnt help but felt sad. cldnt help but tear. friends. will they always be there for you? i've always tot tt friends will always be there for me, so i've always tried my best to help them, give them all i have and sacrifice for them. maybe its bcos we're just friends, so the responsibility to carry when they hurt me is not a big deal for them. maybe they dun even noe they hurt me. maybe they didnt mean it.

maybe.. maybes. wad can i be certain abt? i only know that towards my bf, i do carry more responsibility for him. i do spend more on him, give him things that i've sacrificed alot for. but i cant neglect my friends. this was wad i've always thought to myself, since sec sch days, and i was once certain that nothing could break our friendships apart. but am i wrong?

maybe i am, i dunno. hurting a bf is much more sinful than hurting ur friends. issit true? in fact, i place my family as my most priority, and bf n friends at equal status. did i do things correctly?? was i to place my friends below him or above him? im so confused. i just know tt im sparing time for everyone i really love. but.. issit worth it to give some ppl my time n everything? when they arent showing it back. this is so hurting..

i've lost my faith on monday.. and today i lost my beliefs. and finally, ive lost every single thing i thought i've always possessed. my friends, my loved one. except my family.

will my family be gone too? i don't wanna lose my hope too..

-when are you coming back? ;